literature

Waiting

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blue-chan04's avatar
By
blue-chan04
Published:
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Literature Text

Looking up at the moon
Envy fills my heart
It's held your gaze
While I have not
When will I see you
When is my turn
Dreams count but little
They're not enough
I long to see you
Know you're alive
You exist in dreams
Are you real in life
Might I be crazy
Is this not right
Should I stop waiting
Should I give up
My heart, it tells me
It has no doubt
Sooner or later
I'll get to see you
But please hurry
Don't be too late
I pray for patience
I want to wait
Here's a poem I wrote a while ago (with a couple of modifications added). The poem is based on what I was feeling at the time regarding one of my dreams. Looking back, I see how dreamy I can get xD

Hope you enjoy!




1) How is the structure of the poem?
2) How did you feel after reading the poem?
3) Does the poem flow smoothly?
© 2010 - 2024 blue-chan04
Comments9
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Yosane's avatar
Yosane
1) The structure is unusual to me. It seems like one long breath of reverie. I find it charming : )
2) Dreamy x"D ... wondering... and hopeful.
3) Yes, maybe even too smoothly! The lack of punctuations and breaks make it seem like the poem's ended before you know it... and you find yourself awake again.

I enjoyed that, thankies~ :rose: